he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
