We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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