Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
