Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
