I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
