and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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