a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
