never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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