she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
