If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
