I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
