I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
