Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
