have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
