something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
