He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
