I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
