We won't sleep together?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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