everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
