you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
