At least make sure they are 18
Why
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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