don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
please come you make the beer taste better
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize