You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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