she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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