she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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