You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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