New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
