i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
