Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
