dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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