i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
