last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
