If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
