i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize