he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
