Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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