Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
