i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No subtext here. People are naked.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
