dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
