sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
