you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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