She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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