First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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