Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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