'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
