I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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