My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
