So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
