If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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