There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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