New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
