discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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