I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
