The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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