The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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