I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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