I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
