Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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