to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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