I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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