Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
