She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
