is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have grass duct taped all over my body
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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