just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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