it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
