Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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