Quick, to the slutcave!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
