i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
