Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
