You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
