Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize