Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize